Harry Potter Spoof
by Joja B
Summary: It's from Ron's perspec & Harry has a mental condition. So everything about magic, Voldemort, his parents deing etc. is all in his head. It doesn't start very funny, but it gets better so bare with me. This is my first story so tell me if you like it.
1. The Weasley's

**The Weasley's**

Waiting with his parents at platform 9 was a young red-headed and freckle skinned boy of 13. His name was Ron Weasley and he was about to start high school at Benetton Boarding School. He was extremely nervous and his older brothers, Fred and George, hadn't been helping. In fact, they had been making it hell for Ron these past 3 weeks. Ron was so scared he had even considered suicide, but changed his mind after his mum threatened to kill him before he could kill himself if he missed a day of school. His dad had just pleaded him not to. Ron's father was a pushover. Whenever any of his 7 children wanted something, they went to him first. That was why it was a shock to them when he told them about Benetton.

Mr Weasley was a member for the council where Benetton was situated, which was why a poor, troublesome and badly educated family, like the Weasley's, were able to get into a prestige's school like Benetton. None of the children had wanted to go (except for Percy, Ron's third eldest brother and most up-himself person in the entire family). But Mrs Weasley made it clear that she wanted them to go.

"Probably just wants to get rid of us," Ron thought.

When Mr Weasley had told the children of their fate, they had announced their disapproval in a small yet loud riot. That's when one of the boys swore. Now, Mr Weasley was a patient and understanding man, but when he heard a swear word, he went ballistic. This time was no different.

"How dare you talk to me like that?" Mr Weasley yelled. "I am your father, not your servant! Now I have worked very hard to get you into this school and I can tell you it wasn't easy. I don't care if you don't want to go to Benetton because you are going. And if you dare disgrace our family or do badly, I will make sure, it's the last thing you ever do. Are we clear?"

The children just stood their, staring at their red-faced father in shock and fear. All of their mouths dropped and their eyes widened. Ginny, the youngest and only girl out of the children, looked the most scared. Her eyes looked as if they were going to pop out of her head.

"I said, are we clear?" Mr Weasley yelled once more. The children just nodded, still with looks of shock and terror on their faces.

That was the first time Mr Weasley had whipped out like that for ages. The last time he had done it was 2 years ago. He had done it at Ron for swearing in his room when Mr Weasley had walked past and heard. Mr Weasley never asked him why he had sworn. Maybe if he had know that he had been cleaning his room, because Mrs Weasley had yelled at him, and a box full of baby clothes that never got thrown out had fallen on his foot, he would have been more understanding. At least Ron learnt that a box full of baby clothes is heavier than it looks.

The last time before that was when Fred and George had first learnt the f word. They had come home from school (they were 6, Ron was 4 and Ginny was 3) and had shouted it out in the hallway because they didn't know what it meant. Ginny was too young to remember it and she hadn't been home when Mr Weasley had yelled at Ron. That was why she had been the most shocked out of the children the day Mr Weasley told them about Benetton.

Ron, Fred and George had been pleading with there parents everyday since then, not to have to go to Benetton. But it was no use. Ginny didn't exactly love the idea of having to go to boarding school either, but she was too scared of her father to complain with her brothers. Percy had also been complaining. Not about him having to go to Benetton, but about the rest of the children having to go to Benetton too. Percy had been the one who had begged Mr and Mrs Weasley to send him there, but he had never intended them to send the whole family there. The only of the children who didn't have to go were the two eldest brothers, Charlie and Bill. This was because both of them had finished school and no longer lived with the rest of the family. Charlie lived in Romania as a mountaineer and Bill worked at a bank as an accountant.

The train whistle blew and Mrs Weasley kissed her son's goodbye. Ginny, annoyed at the fact that she had to stay at home with just her parents for company, scowled at Ron as he walked away towards the train.


	2. Harry Potter

**Harry Potter**

Ron stepped onto the train and went to find a compartment. Nearly all of them were full. But finally, Ron found a compartment about twelve doors away from the driver with a lone boy inside. The boy was about the same height as Ron, with very messy jet black hair and big, thick round glasses that didn't fit him properly and magnified his green eyes to look much bigger than they actually were. He looked as if he had been malnourished and had very pale skin. At first Ron thought he had lived in a dungeon his whole life.

"Anyone sitting there," He asked. "Everywhere else is full." The boy shook his head.

Ron walked in and sat down across from the boy. He was very nervous. He was always nervous when meeting new people. He was a bit worried about the boy as well, as he was starring at him very strangely. It freaked Ron out, but he couldn't leave.

"Hey Ron," Fred and George said. Ron was relieved.

"Listen," Fred said. "We're going down the middle of the train. We just met this boy, Lee Jordan, and he's got a giant tarantula down there."

"Right," Ron mumbled. He wasn't very happy Fred and George weren't going to sit with him, but it wasn't a big surprise. Ron was just not looking forward to sitting alone with the creepy looking kid.

"So Ron, who's you're friend here," George asked.

"Well actually, I don't kn -,"

"I'm Harry Potter. Who are you," The boy said energetically.

"Um…well I'm Fred and this is George. And this is Ron, our brother. Um, we should go. See ya," George replied hastily, before Fred and George left, closing the compartment door behind them.

"Bye," said Harry.

Ron was getting annoyed now. His brothers weren't sitting with him and he didn't know anyone else at the school. The only good thing was that he was a year seven and all the kids in his year were new. So his brothers would have a much harder time finding friends than he would.

Ron turned his eyes back to Harry to find that he was starring creepily at him again. For a while Ron starred back, but thought it looked a bit weird, so he began searching the compartment nervously for something interesting to look at. He found this quite difficult, as the compartment was very dull and ordinary. So he looked out at the people walking past the compartment, waiting for someone to come and join him. But everyone took one look at him and Harry and kept walking, even the year sevens.

"Maybe making friends is going to be harder than I thought," Ron thought to himself.

Almost dieing of boredom, Ron reached inside his backpack and pulled out his doodle book and a pencil. Ron loved his doodle book. He had had it since he was 5 years old. It wasn't a very flash book. In fact it looked terrible. It was old and tatty and covered in stains. It had attained many rips and tears over the years and was only one hit away from falling apart. But even with all that, it was Ron's most prized possession.

Ron's family was very poor and couldn't afford a lot of nice things. So every Christmas or when it was someone's birthday, the whole family would pitch in to get a present for the person. The year Ron had gotten the doodle book was the only year he had ever actually gotten a present he had used more than once. Most of the time he just got something edible or something that he chucked away after a day or two. But since he got that doodle book, he never went anywhere without it. It meant the world to him and not just because it was the best present he had ever gotten. But because of that book, he had become a pretty talented drawer. Well, at least his dad thought so.

He started drawing, noticing out of the corner of his eye that Harry was nodding to himself. Then he stopped nodding and starred at Ron again. Then, still starring at Ron, he lifted his fringe as if he was trying to show Ron something on his forehead. But when Ron looked at his forehead, he saw nothing. Ron ignored him and went back to drawing.

"Yes, but I can't remember it," Harry said. Ron looked up at Harry, who was still starring at him.

"What?" Ron asked.

"Well – I remember a lot of green light, but nothing else," Harry replied. He didn't seem to really be listening to what Ron was saying. Ron went back to drawing, thinking that maybe Harry was just thinking out loud or something.

"Are all your family wizards?" Harry asked. Ron looked back up at Harry. Ron starred at Harry as if he was the craziest person in the world, which the easily could have been.

"There's no such thing as wizards. Kid, are you ok?" Ron asked.

"So you must know loads of magic already."

"Harry, there's no such thing as magic, ok. Do you need to see a nurse or something?" Ron asked, leaning forward and looking into Harry's eyes, but Harry was looking over his head at the space where Ron's head used to be.

"Horrible – well, not all of them. My aunt and uncle and cousin are, though. Wish I'd had three wizard brothers," Harry said.

"Come on kid," Ron said, as he started to stand up. "We should get you some he -."

"What are you doing?" said a red headed woman, as she came charging in and stood between Ron and Harry. She had green eyes just like Harry's and little freckles across her nose. She was skinny, but not nearly as skinny as Harry and fair skin, but compared to Harry she almost looked tanned. Her long, red hair flowed down her back and the look on her face told Ron that he had obviously offended her.

"I – I'm sorry. I was just worried about him," Ron replied, pointing at Harry. Surprisingly, the woman sighed and relaxed her stance between the boys a little.

"I'm sorry young man. I'm Lily Potter, Harry's mother. I've just had to many times where my son's been taken and beaten up because of his condition," said Lily.

"His condition?" Ron repeated questioningly.


End file.
